I missed the train
I was lost when there were people of my age.Today I am lost without people. Apparently I was sitting in the stairs, by myself, holding my teacher’s hand. Actually, I think I kind of forgot all about it. Or else it's just that since I wasn't really there, I don't remember. You don't remember anything when you weren't there. I often forget some things, by the way.
My head is on the moon.
I've been told that.
So after that I don't remember.
It's probably because I'm on the moon that I don't always manage to get with the others. Then it's too complicated to get to them.
To go to the moon is fast but to leave is long and laborious.
I didn't talk much. To talk is to be present and I am often too far away, on my own planet.
I'm going to the moon because I'm afraid of others.
When does it occur ?
Why am I leaving when I'm scared, when I know that if I'm scared it's because I'm going?
I love people and that's the whole problem. If I didn't care, I'd stay on the moon. And besides, we'd all stay on our respective moons if we didn't care. But the others are too important, too essential to me.
Today it remains the same, but I can come down faster.
The irony is that sometimes I talk too much. Sometimes I feel like someone is squeezing my vocal cords and everything I say will stay locked up. I fought against this person. Maybe it's shyness, I'm not sure.
That's often the reason I want to go to the moon.
So it's worse because I'm going to run away. I want to stay however, to participate in this conversation, to share with others.
And I'm stuck.
The need to go somewhere else is to say that I don't fit in.
To have a place is to be with others and to be with others is to live and to learn.
The thing I love most in my life is also the thing that troubles me the most. It makes sense in the end.
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